I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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