Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
