My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
