moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
