Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
