So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
