Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
