I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize