The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize