Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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