so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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