The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
