The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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