My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
