Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
