I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize