I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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