He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
