That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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