the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
