someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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