bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
