I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
