I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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