life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
