when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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