fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
