i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
