i just had sex bonerless
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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