i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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