You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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