Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
