nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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