I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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