On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
