You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I need moral support for this bender
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize