my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
