I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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