I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
