I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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