Whod you bang
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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