Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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