just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
