I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
not ubering you a puppy
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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