doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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