My nipple is on Facebook.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
