the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
