My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
