im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
