New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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