I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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