I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
is it fun? or sober?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
