Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize