I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
