I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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