I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
