She went from zero to smokin in five shots
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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