just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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