He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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