Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
