Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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