Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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