I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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