Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
