i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
