when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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