Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
