Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't deserve a penis
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
