I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
