I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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