he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
