I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
