You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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