so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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