I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
