masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
