If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
