You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
