Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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