I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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