If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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