My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
