Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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