Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
