no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
