Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
