11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize